


Dangerous Love

by quicksilverdeancas (quicksilvermalec)



Series: Dean and Cas Bingo [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author Projecting onto Castiel, Depressed Castiel, Depression, I AM NOT OKAY, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, I'm so so so so so so so so so sorry, Implied Depressed Dean Winchester, M/M, Major Character Death (as seen in the warnings), Mental Health Issues, OH BY THE WAY, Suicide Notes, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, What Have I Done, and isn't that sad to say, another trigger warning for completed suicide, because we all know that canonverse Sam and Dean aren't human, but then Castiel has never been a very conventional person... angel, but who fuckin cares, enjoy........ Idk if that's even possible with this particular fic but ENJOY, nobody is very happy in this fic, texting fic, the suicide note is not v conventional, there are spoilers in these tags for the whole fic, this fic is me projecting onto the guy who kills himself in the end, trigger warning for attempted suicide, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 01:49:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20899664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilvermalec/pseuds/quicksilverdeancas
Summary: [21:33]I’m at the hospital rn[21:36]wait wtf?[21:36]WHY???[21:37]please just come ASAP[21:38]you’ll want to be here[22:02]it’s Cas





	Dangerous Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ScrollingKingfisher](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScrollingKingfisher/gifts).

> Original title was "Between the Lines of Fear and Blame" from How to Save A Life by the Fray, which works pretty well too, but then I came up with that ^^^^ which I liked better, so.
> 
> This was written for the DeanandCas bingo. It covers the square *gulp* "Major Character Death".
> 
> Many apologies for what you're about to experience. If you're any kind of sane person, you should probably spam that back button right the fuck now. Unless you enjoy torturing yourself, in which case, go ahead.
> 
> Enjoy. (ehh)
> 
> Cas  
**Dean**  
_Sam_

** _ PMs between Impala67 and castiel _ **

**[yesterday – 20:42]** I’ll see you tomorrow, baby

**[yesterday – 20:42]** yep  
**[yesterday – 20:43]** see you then  
**[yesterday – 20:43]** I love you

**[yesterday – 20:43]** love you too <3

** _ PMs between Impala67 and castiel _ **

**[06:23]** good morning

**[06:24] **good morning to you as well

**[06:24] ** wyd rn?

**[06:24] **homework

**[06:25] ** you mean the literary genius Castiel Novak didn’t get all his homework done last night?  
**[06:25] ** for shame! ; )

**[06:25] **I might have, you know, if /someone/ hadn’t been distracting me for five hours  
**[06:25] **really it’s all your fault, babe

**[06:25] ** how dare you pin your failure on me  
**[06:26] ** I, your loving boyfriend, who has never done anything wrong in his entire beautiful life  
**[06:26] ** how dare

**[06:29] **you are adorable

**[06:30] ** what’s with the time-gap?

**[06:31] **I was too busy laughing to legibly type  
**[06:31] **you have ruined me, Dean Winchester

**[06:32] ** good ; )

**[06:32] **you and your damn winky faces  
**[06:33] **I shall never understand you; I’ve given up trying

**[06:33] ** you and everyone else in my life, babe  
**[06:35] ** I’ll see you in 25 minutes

** _ PMs between Impala67 and iwishiwasamoose _ **

**[06:35] ** so how goes the law?

**[06:35] ** _you’re the worst_

**[06:36] ** what an unpleasant way to treat your brother this early in the morning  
**[06:36] ** wanna try again?

**[06:36] ** _okay, sure  
_ **[06:36] ** _I hate you, you’re a jerk, and please shut the fuck up so I can go to class_

**[06:36] ** xD love you too bitch  
**[06:37] ** I’ll talk to you at lunch

**[06:37] ** _*bitchface*_

** _ PMs between Impala67 and castiel _ **

**[11:14] ** well hello there, Mr. Sexy

**[11:16] **Dean, why do you insist on texting me in class?

**[11:16] ** because it’s fun, baby  
**[11:16] ** because now we’re out of high school and they aren’t going to confiscate our phones!

**[11:18] **-_-  
**[11:18] **Dean, you are a grown man. why do you insist on perpetually acting like a child?

**[11:19] ** {attachment: 1 image}

{{It’s a screenshot of his above message: because it’s fun, baby}}

**[11:20] ** I can’t help that I’m immature

**[11:20] **you say that as though it’s something to be proud of

**[11:21] ** consider this: I am proud of it

**[11:21] **of that I have no doubt  
**[11:21] **however, you’re still an idiot

**[11:21] ** Cas. /baby/. look through all of our conversations  
**[11:22] ** when have I ever claimed /not/ to be an idiot? huh?

**[11:22] **never

**[11:22] ** exactly

**[11:23] ***eyeroll*  
**[11:23] **very well, you win  
**[11:23] **I will see you at lunch

** _ PMs between Impala67 and iwishiwasamoose _ **

**[12:56] ** have you seen Cas?

**[12:56] ** _he’s /your/ boyfriend, Dean_

**[12:57] ** yeah, but…  
**[12:57] ** he didn’t show for lunch

**[12:57] ** _I fail to see the issue_

**[12:57] ** how about that he said he was going to be there?  
**[12:57] ** and when have you known Cas to break a promise?

**[12:59] ** _…  
_ **[12:59] ** _there is that_

**[13:00] ** ‘there is that’????  
**[13:00] ** what the hell does that mean?  
**[13:00] ** how are you not freaking out about this?

**[13:01] ** _well, why are you?_  
**[13:01] ** _come on, man_  
**[13:01] ** _you’re not usually the obsessive and nervous one  
_ **[13:02] ** _uh-that’s me, remember?_

**[13:02] ** yeah, but…  
**[13:03] ** dude, this is my boyfriend  
**[13:03] ** he is my boyfriend and he’s acting atypically, so yeah, I’m nervous  
**[13:03] ** tbph if you didn’t show up to lunch I’d be freaking out to Cas just like I am rn

**[13:04] ** _just calm down man, alright?  
_ **[13:04] ** _I’m sure Cas is fine_

**[13:09] ** you’d better be right

#~+~#

Sam was not right.

#~+~#

** _ PMs between Impala67 and iwishiwasamoose _ **

**[21:32] ** _Dean, you need to come over now_

**[21:32] ** are you home?

**[21:32] ** _no  
_ **[21:33] ** _I’m at the hospital rn_

**[21:36] ** wait wtf?  
**[21:36] ** WHY???

**[21:37] ** _please just come ASAP  
_ **[21:38] ** _you’ll want to be here_

**[22:02] ** _it’s Cas_

** _ PMs between Impala67 and castiel _ **

**[12:23] ** hey babe  
**[12:23] ** where are you?  
**[12:23] ** I’m worrying a little bit haha

**[12:39] ** Cas?

**[12:47] ** baby?

**[13:07] ** Sam thinks something happened to you  
**[13:07] ** please text me back, Cas.

**[13:58] ** Please. Just please. I’m so worried about you.

**[20:23] ** Cas, why aren’t you answering?  
**[20:23] ** I’ve never known you not to answer your phone.  
**[20:24] ** Cas, this isn’t funny

**[21:10] ** dammit, Castiel Novak

**[22:02] ** GOD FUCKING DAMMIT CASTIEL

** _ PMs between Impala67 and iwishiwasamoose _ **

**[22:46] ** I’m here. Where are you?

**<strike>[22:47] </strike>**_<strike>wow, you’re using conventions in a text. this must be serious</strike> _{deleted}  
**[22:47] **_they made me leave the room  
_**[22:47] **_how’s he doing?_

**[22:48] ** I have no idea, Sam.

**[22:50] ** _how’re you doing?_

**[22:50] ** About as well as can be expected.

**[22:50] ** _that bad, huh?_

**[22:51] ** Sam. I have no idea what’s going on with him. Please don’t try to cheer me up with Star Wars references, because it really isn’t going to work.

**[22:51] ** _I’m sorry, Dean_  
**[22:51] ** _I just don’t know what to do  
_ **[22:52] ** _maybe you’ve forgotten, but he’s my friend too_

**[22:57] ** I didn’t forget.  
**[22:57] ** I’m sorry. I just have this feeling I can’t shake, like I’m about to get the worst news of my life.

#~+~#

Dean was wrong. It wasn’t the worst news of his life.

It was worse.

#~+~#

“Well, they know what happened to him.” Dean’s voice was low and bitter and his hands were shoved in his pockets. His shoulders were hunched forward, like he was trying to hide from the world. The sight of it made Sam’s heart do a sympathetic little tap-dance. He hated seeing his brother like this, and he hated that he couldn’t help it. The grim look on his face was worse than anything in their past – worse than when their mom died, worse than when their dad would beat them, worse than when their dad eventually died, too.

It was worse.

“What happened?” he asked quietly, as if by raising his voice he might end up somehow dishonoring their mutual friend.

“He sliced his arms open, Sammy.” Dean’s voice broke on the last word. “From wrist to elbow. Bled out in our master bathroom. I haven’t been home yet, so I didn’t-” He cut off abruptly with a choking sob and Sam bodily grabbed him to try to keep him upright. Dean turned into him and, even though he didn’t make any noise, Sam could still feel hot salty tears bleeding through his flannel and his shirt and his tank top and pressing themselves uncomfortably against his skin. Sam just hugged him and let him cry.

“He’s gone, Sammy. He’s fuckin’ gone. And I don’t even know why. I don’t know what could have possibly happened- he was fine this morning, I swear. He took his meds, and he was smiling and laughing, and he kissed me on the cheek and we were flirting and talking on the way to the college and I just don’t know…” His mumbled rambling degenerated into unintelligible whispers, and Sam pulled him a little closer.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” he murmured into Dean’s ear, trying not to cry himself. “I’m so, so fucking sorry.”

#~+~#

** _ PMs between Impala67 and iwishiwasamoose _ **

**[01:53] ** { attachment: 1 image}

{{It’s a shaky and slightly blurry picture of a piece of paper. The paper is dirty and dotted with tear stains, but still legible. In Castiel’s elegant cursive, it reads the following:

_Dean,_

_I’m so sorry. God, Dean, I’m so, so sorry. I just can’t anymore. I love you so much. It isn’t your fault, alright? I swear to you this isn’t your fault. You have been the thing keeping me alive for longer than you know. I love you. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you._

_You made me happy. Be proud of that. There are very few people who can make me happy anymore, but you’re right there in the #1 slot._

_This world doesn’t like me. This world doesn’t really like anyone, but it likes me even less. Because I’m seen by people and immediately labeled as “different” and “other” and I cannot change that. I can never change that. They don’t help my depression, and my having depression doesn’t help me deal with them. And I just don’t have the energy anymore. I don’t want to fight._

_Sam,_

_I feel guilty for doing this to you. I’m going to break him, and you’re going to be the one who’s left to patch him up. But there’s nobody that I would trust more with the task than you, Sam. He’ll be okay eventually. You’ll be okay. In a couple of years, everyone will be okay, and, in all honesty, will be far better off without me than you ever were when I was around._

_I wish I’d never met you so I didn’t have to leave you like this._

_I’m so sorry._

_All my love,_  
_ Castiel_}}

**[01:53] ** this was on the counter in the bathroom

**[01:53] ** _how could he do this to you?  
_ **[01:53] ** _it’s like he doesn’t even realize_

**[01:54] ** oh, he realizes Sammy  
**[01:54] ** he just didn’t have it in him to care anymore  
**[01:54] ** I can respect that shit

**[01:55] ** _no- NO. you are /not/ doing /that/ shit to me._  
**[01:55] ** _not now. not today of all days, when I’ve just lost my best friend  
_ **[01:57] ** _you will /not/ pull your own death wish out of the back of your mind. I won’t let you_

**[01:59] ** I’m sorry  
**[01:59] ** I’m going to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow.  
**[02:00] ** well… *today, I guess

**[02:00] ** _okay_

**[03:15] ** _I can’t sleep and I’m a little scared for you. I’m coming over.  
_ **[03:16] ** _and no, you will not be able to get rid of me. not until I know you’re safe_

**[03:19] ** I hate you, bitch

**[03:20] ** _I love you too, jerk_

**Author's Note:**

> So that's a fucking rollercoaster. Like holy motherforking shirtballs, this thing made me cry. Like, while I was writing it. And after I wrote it. For a considerable amount of time.
> 
> I'm so frickin' sorry, my friends. Even I wish I hadn't written that. But now it's out there. In the world. On the internet. For permanently.
> 
> Love,  
-Fake Dean


End file.
